Ill-conceived company taglines

From the Icebox:

• Helper Monkeys on Call
  
• We Put the "P" in Special
  
• Lookey Here!
  
• Come On, We're Not the Worst
  
• Innovations in Carnival Barking
  
• Cholera-Free for Three Weeks . . . and Counting!
  
• Oh God. Oh God. Oh God.
  
• Carpal Tunnel Splendid!
  
• Sure We Care
  
• Mmmm . . . Kelp!
  
• Buy, Dammit, Buy!
  
• The New Strategic Paradigm
  
• We Deliver When We Can
  
• Submission Now