A Toad a la Mode Home Improvement Guide, from the Icebox:
Step One: Procure slightly more than 1 (one) solar mass hydrogen (approximately 2.2x1027 tons) (important safety note: DO NOT exceed 50 solar masses, as a Type I Supernova could result).
Step Two: Wait for gravity to compress the gas to an appropriate density for atomic fusion. This may take several million years, so have a back-up heating system in place meanwhile. We suggest a wood-burning stove. (You will also need to revert to this system on cloudy days, so don't dismantle it once your solar heating unit is up and running.)
NOTE: When fusion ignition occurs, you solar heating unit will begin off-gassing approximately 5-25% of its mass in gas and particulate matter over a 10-million-year period. Work in a well-ventilated area, and always wear a face mask.
Step Three: When quiescent thermonuclear fusion of your solar heating device has been achieved (core temperature of 20 million degrees Absolute), be sure to place the unit at least 8 light-minutes (93,000,000 miles, or 1 a.u.) from your home, to avoid overheating.
Your home solar heating unit should last approximately 10-20 billion years, providing 5x1023 units of energy per day (horsepower). This is approximately 8000 trillion times more than is needed to power the average home; however, it is still prudent to insulate your home thoroughly.
WARNING: If at any time the unit expands to several hundred times its normal circumference and turns red, leave your house immediately and contact a qualified repair service.
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