An email message from your boss

Dear Employee:

As a result of our right-sizing initiative, your position has been terminated, effective immediately. As a long-time member of our team, we think you'll agree that eliminating your salary is the easiest way to achieve the short-term profits our shareholders demand.

We know that this is a difficult time for you, and we want to help. A security guard will arrive at your desk within 2 minutes to assist you in packing your personal belongings. He will helpfully inspect your bags to ensure that you have not mistakenly taken any company property or any documents that might enable you to demonstrate your work to potential employers.

You will understandably be concerned about how you'll survive financially. We want you to know that the Department of Employment Security has an office on the far west side (in that area with all the billboards in a foreign language) where you can register for unemployment benefits. In addition, you'll have the opportunity to jump onto trucks that regularly stop there looking for day-workers to pick crops.

You will also be eligible for health insurance under COBRA for $400 a month, which will be about half of your monthly unemployment benefits.

Please know that we will not forget you. In fact, we will regularly question your competence and blame you for every problem for at least the next 6 months. We will blithely ignore relevant facts, along with any conversations you had or notes you left, as we make you our company scapegoat.

Finally, please understand that your right-sizing is not a reflection on you. It is a reflection of our need to show immediate profits while maintaining the high salaries and other perqs enjoyed by our company officers.

The security guard should now be at your desk. Resistance is futile.