How is the Obama campaign planning to get out the vote in Texas next Tuesday?

1. Training precinct captains to rope, throw, and tie voters for easy delivery to polls.

2. Urging supporters to take shelter from impending Apache raid at precinct headquarters.

3. Offering free two-step lessons to anyone with an "I voted" sticker.

4. Spreading manure around polling locations to create a home-like atmosphere.

5. Waving guns at everyone.

6. Circulating photo of Hillary Clinton wearing cowboy boots with the pants tucked inside.

7. Offering every voter a chance to win a 500-acre dryland cotton farm.

8. Deputizing volunteers and forming "Democracy Posses."

9. Free Pearl Beer balloons for the kids.

10. Spreading rumor that Obama once got high with Willie Nelson.
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